Letter #8: pouring my heart out

Dearest...
Tonight i want you to feel me. I would be as honest as i can in this letter of mine. It's gonna be a long one, so please bear with it :)
I don't know how to begin. Thousands of thoughts are going in and out of my mind but i just can't find the best way to start with. It all started when the first time i saw you. Such simple delicacy you possessed, & with that you made your first impression on me. Our first interaction was during the college fest & since that time i always tried to be in contact with you. & it all worked when i got your number from your roommate who also was my classmate! Fortunately things turned out well and we chatted for long hours(& the tradition continues till date ;)). The summer of '09 was by far the best phase of my life for it also involved the day you expressed your feelings for me. It was all too subtle and gentle at the beginning. The feeling was new for both of us & we were enjoying it, barring the little arguments that we had then. I always gave the maximum of myself to you & tried never to have to say no to you for anything. The feelings gradually became informal, more of what i liked. Everything was going on well until the year end when we had regular arguments n fights & it all ended in the worst possible way. An atom bomb for sure if not a nuclear bomb brought out a catastrophe on us. I'm not really sure how it has affected our mentality & decision making in the present but the summers that followed were one of the worst!(see, took just a year from being exceptionally good to worst) Frequent fights, & those too serious ones. It looked like the relationship won't survive for even a year. But somehow the decision was stalled & don't know how but the situation actually started to improve. Let me make an honest confession to you, i turned into a selfish partner in this relationship. With the way i love you & the intent to do anything for you, i started expecting the same from you. I always wanted to make you realise that i'm not getting the feeling of being loved, and that i love you more. I don't know who was wrong that time but what i now know is that my thinking was not justified. May be you don't need the realization, may be i do. After all, it was not selfless love anymore from my side. I've committed many a mistakes in this relationship & hurt you many times. I really really wish to make up for that. So tonight, i just want to make you a promise that i'll try to be the best one for you. "Mai tumhari khushi k liye kuch bhi karunga" :) After all, seeing you happy will make feel good too, & more so when i'll be the reason for that.
I just want to love you now. Nothing else. Thank you for making me feel one of the most wonderful of feelings that can be experienced :)
Yours...

Letter #7

Dearest...
While talking to you today suddenly this fact dawned upon me that this long distance relationship is a serious challenge to us, not just for the present but for the future that we want for us. During this time will we be so much involved in our lives that we won't have time for each other? Will we have time in the present to even contact each other regularly?
I really hope that neither of us ever feels compliant to talk to the other & rather it be the feelings pouring out that would make us want to talk to the other.
I don't ever want you gone away from me. I don't ever want to loose you. I'll always love you.
Yours...

Letter #6

Dearest...
I took my first break from letters yesterday.
Infact yesterday was a so so day.
I was disappointed to read your last letter. But i was really happy to see that both of us were trying to work the situation out. And since today morning too it has been all good. Hopefully we can continue like this. Can't we? :)
Your call dates are nearing. I hope you preparing well for them. Best of luck!
That's all for this time.
I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #5

Dearest...
It seems today that i've learnt an important lesson. You know it's more of a kind of refreshment now because there have been many times that such a situation has compounded upon me. I'm trying to adjust to the new ways of this relationship. I know you must have understood to what i'm referring. There's no hiding from the fact that i've always tried to give the best to you & you've done the same for me. So, just another step from my side this time :) Hopefully i can bring you happiness with this.
About other things, life's just moving at it's own monotonous pace. I'll be leaving my home soon, for the first time to be alone all by myself. So, we just started the preparation today by beginning with making a list of items to take with me. Everything else in the day went fine. You, by mistake, happened to talk to my mother today. A nice accident.
That's all for today. Take care of yourself.
I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #4

Dearest...
Nothing is feeling good lately. I really really want you to talk to me. I know you'll understand.
I got to know that you've got calls from all the institutes that you desired. Congratulations dear! You deserved it. And i'm very sure that you'll get through each. You love to have options in life(as you had told me during the vacations of '09) & i believe you'll have many to choose the best for you.
Best of luck deary.
I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #3

Dearest...
Days have somehow been getting worse now. We're not having our regular chats or phone calls now. At times i had been busy with the shifting stuff & now it's likewise with you.
I really wish that this time gets over as soon as possible. I don't want our long distance relationship to forever continue like this.
& you know, even the day today ended with a kind of disturbed situation in the family. I wanted to talk to you for some time tonight. But alas! It wasn't meant to be tonight. And i'm not annoyed with you because of this.
I hope you are taking good care of yourself. & if not, please do it for me.
I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #2

Dearest...
Tonight i go off to sleep not feeling sleepy at all. It's been that kind of a day when i haven't had any message from you. My eyes have constantly been gazing at the mobile screen all day today & as soon as it lights up, so do i with the hope of having received your message. I understand that you've been busy with your continuous exams and also aunty must have always been around you & hence you are not able to message me, but it's just that i miss you a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot!
Today when you told me that you were at govind dev ji's temple i really wished if i could just come there because i always wanted to go there once with you before i left but time never allowed. I hope you enjoyed your last couple days in Jaipur with aunty.
Happy journey deary. I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #1

Dearest...

It has been 4 days now since i left. I have been busy all these days with traveling, shifting, and unpacking stuff, but have always reserved time for you during the day. I've been calling you at least once these days. And as for you, it is the happiest & most relaxing moment of my day too. I really do miss you. Honestly speaking, till the morning i was with you i just didn't realize that i won't seeing you for a long time now. But when you were gone out of sight, i looked back just to see if you would be there & to my dismay, there was no one there. And the realization soon followed. I'm missing you a lot here. I wish there was some way to just see you smiling once & hold your hands.

& see the irony, I've been free the whole day today & from now on you'll not be available. Sometimes it just happens to be like this. Things don't go as well as we want them to be. But there's always hope! Never had we thought that our goodbye would be so special, had we? :) So, even if "Life just seems like a dark tunnel with a lamp burning at its end", there's always hope. Hope to rise up to the challenges, hope to succeed in our mission, hope to shine, & most importantly, hope to see you again soon! I love you.

Goodbye for now.

Yours...