Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Letter #8: pouring my heart out

Dearest...
Tonight i want you to feel me. I would be as honest as i can in this letter of mine. It's gonna be a long one, so please bear with it :)
I don't know how to begin. Thousands of thoughts are going in and out of my mind but i just can't find the best way to start with. It all started when the first time i saw you. Such simple delicacy you possessed, & with that you made your first impression on me. Our first interaction was during the college fest & since that time i always tried to be in contact with you. & it all worked when i got your number from your roommate who also was my classmate! Fortunately things turned out well and we chatted for long hours(& the tradition continues till date ;)). The summer of '09 was by far the best phase of my life for it also involved the day you expressed your feelings for me. It was all too subtle and gentle at the beginning. The feeling was new for both of us & we were enjoying it, barring the little arguments that we had then. I always gave the maximum of myself to you & tried never to have to say no to you for anything. The feelings gradually became informal, more of what i liked. Everything was going on well until the year end when we had regular arguments n fights & it all ended in the worst possible way. An atom bomb for sure if not a nuclear bomb brought out a catastrophe on us. I'm not really sure how it has affected our mentality & decision making in the present but the summers that followed were one of the worst!(see, took just a year from being exceptionally good to worst) Frequent fights, & those too serious ones. It looked like the relationship won't survive for even a year. But somehow the decision was stalled & don't know how but the situation actually started to improve. Let me make an honest confession to you, i turned into a selfish partner in this relationship. With the way i love you & the intent to do anything for you, i started expecting the same from you. I always wanted to make you realise that i'm not getting the feeling of being loved, and that i love you more. I don't know who was wrong that time but what i now know is that my thinking was not justified. May be you don't need the realization, may be i do. After all, it was not selfless love anymore from my side. I've committed many a mistakes in this relationship & hurt you many times. I really really wish to make up for that. So tonight, i just want to make you a promise that i'll try to be the best one for you. "Mai tumhari khushi k liye kuch bhi karunga" :) After all, seeing you happy will make feel good too, & more so when i'll be the reason for that.
I just want to love you now. Nothing else. Thank you for making me feel one of the most wonderful of feelings that can be experienced :)
Yours...

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