Revival

Hello deary,

How are you doing? This is probably the first time I’m writing to you in the morning hours.

Nothing special is going on here. I have been feeling really depressed lately. Life is not treating me well or I am not treating my life well, I don’t know what the case is.

So, anyways, my purpose of writing this letter to you is just to make you know what I have been feeling lately. And this probably is the best way I can talk to someone and let go my feelings.

I promised I will always write you and I always will.

Today I have thought that I’ll be resigning from the committee of which I am part of. I am just not able to take responsibility of anything right now, let alone my life, and this sucks! It really does.

Every part of me wants me to renew my it, refresh it and reconnect to the world in a new way. I want to revive.

I don’t know when you are going to read this letter, but whenever you do, just feel me once.

I love you.

Yours dearest…

The Path of Redemption

Hi!
It's been really long a break, yet again, between my letters & i apologize for that. Times have been really tough for both of us.., sometimes because of the environment around us and sometimes because of each other.
But tonight we'll be celebrating 27 months together :) That calls for a toast, doesn't it? ;)
Who knew after the events of 4th of Jan, 2010 we would still be together! Well, here we are.. not the happiest of the souls in this world at this present moment but still, dunno why, I've a smile on my face writing all of this :)
Deary, last couple of months have been the toughest ones in our relationship (& i really hope that situations don't get any worse than they are right now!). Let's wish the path of redemption is what follows now. & isilye, rather than talking pessimistically about the past situations i will talk about something else. & honestly, i've suddenly gone blank now! Nothing's going on in my mind.
Why is LDR so so difficult to cope up with??? God! once again i'm talking about it.. :-x
Chodo chodo chodo.., delete delete delete ;)
I wish the shower of happiness falls upon us on this anniversary. I wish that our love be the one that concurs all these miseries we are facing. I will always be there for you. I love you.
Aadat nahi bhi lagana chahogi na meri, to bhi lag hi jayegi... After all personality hi hum aisi hain! ;)
Tons of promises i've made to u and many i might have broken, but this one has always been the one that has always been true from the heart and will never be broken- I'll do anything and everything to make u happy and keep that smile on your face, jo ki abhi shayad hai :) :)
& Just in case, aankhen bhar ayi hon (vaise main itna zyada romantic ya sentimental to nahi likh paya hun due to time constraint), please please wipe out your tears.., because they are precious..., very precious for someone who resides miles away from you and longingly awaits the day when he'll be with you.
Till then...
Good bye :)
Yours dearest...

PS: Don't mind any grammatical mistakes if any.. coz i'm in a hurry to run out to call you now. It's just about 12!

Letter 12: Confused!

Dearest...

It’s been long since I wrote a letter to you, I apologise for that. It is really I confused state I am in right now and I am pretty sure that you are going through a similar phase. You know time and again I recall that dialogue from the movie “Love Aaj Kal”(which incidentally was the first movie we watched together!)- “Ye long distance nahi chalega..”, & then Saif leaves Australia and comes to India to get back Deepika. I really wish life’s decisions could be so easily taken in that spur of the moment, without worrying about the consequences (won’t you wish for the same??)

And to tell you the funny fact- I still don’t know how to express myself to you (even this letter will fall short to describe my feelings for you). Last few weeks have been really bad for me. When I talk about emotions I really have no one here to whom I can pour my heart out to. It is as if now that the world is repulsive. There are only a few people here with whom I can talk (relatively) freely. I still long for you.

Please, please, please don’t go away like this.

You know at times I really fear that I may burst out at someone here & hurt that person’s feelings. Lots of things are getting accumulated inside me and I am lacking that emotional and mental support that I had from you..

Forgive me if you felt bad about any of the things I said above. I love you.

Yours…

Letter 11: Best of Luck!

Dearest…

Today you leave for the path you chose for yourself. All the very best for this new journey of yours! :) :)

May God bless with all the success and happiness in this new voyage of yours. I wish for you to reach the heights of your ambition and the career which you have always thought for yourself. And remember, whatever the situation maybe, don't you ever feel depressed thinking of the fateful past. Remember to be happy always. I will always be around you for the support whenever you require.

Apna khyal rakhna :)

I love you :) :)

Yours…

Letter 10: Silent, but not peaceful

Dearest...
I know it's been a long wait for the letter but you know now that i don't get much idle time here.
Days go down pretty fast here with academics & other extra-curricular work. For the past 3 or 4 weeks now i haven't been able to be the normal myself. It's as if happiness has deserted me now. I'm trying to adapt to the present situation now. For all the good reasons I've come here for, I'm trying to focus upon them now rather than trying to find a solution for this situation. I miss you every moment here! I wish i could somehow be close to you.
I love you.
Yours...

Letter #9: (contd.)

I would like to continue from the last letter & answer your's with this letter only.
Dearest...
As i always say, i'm noone to decide upon the fact that i deserve more love or less love from you. I believe in the saying that "what goes around comes around". So what i've realized now is that if i feel that i'm not being loved as much as i want to be, it would be just because of the fact that maybe, unintentionally i have made you feel the same way some time in this relationship or something else with likewise consequences.
There have been times when i got you the way i always wanted, like from may 6th to 13th, & then going back to 8th of march. And there are such days in the past too. These were the days i always wanted to never pass. That week of May was ironically the happiest in recent past even though it involved the moment of us parting away! These were the days when you devoted yourself & all your love for me. I might not have been a good enough boyfriend to deserve that much out of you but still i get it in bits & pieces :)
I'm learning not to be selfish anymore.
Thank you for giving me such beautiful memories to cherish all my life.
PS: i'm not as good a writer as you are & hence find it difficult at times to find the correct word or phrase the correct sentence, so please "kisi bhi baat ka bura mat manna". I haven't anywhere tried to say anything to you indirectly. & whatever i wrote i wrote it by being honest with myself & with good feelings :)
I love you.
Good bye for now.
Yours...

Letter #8: pouring my heart out

Dearest...
Tonight i want you to feel me. I would be as honest as i can in this letter of mine. It's gonna be a long one, so please bear with it :)
I don't know how to begin. Thousands of thoughts are going in and out of my mind but i just can't find the best way to start with. It all started when the first time i saw you. Such simple delicacy you possessed, & with that you made your first impression on me. Our first interaction was during the college fest & since that time i always tried to be in contact with you. & it all worked when i got your number from your roommate who also was my classmate! Fortunately things turned out well and we chatted for long hours(& the tradition continues till date ;)). The summer of '09 was by far the best phase of my life for it also involved the day you expressed your feelings for me. It was all too subtle and gentle at the beginning. The feeling was new for both of us & we were enjoying it, barring the little arguments that we had then. I always gave the maximum of myself to you & tried never to have to say no to you for anything. The feelings gradually became informal, more of what i liked. Everything was going on well until the year end when we had regular arguments n fights & it all ended in the worst possible way. An atom bomb for sure if not a nuclear bomb brought out a catastrophe on us. I'm not really sure how it has affected our mentality & decision making in the present but the summers that followed were one of the worst!(see, took just a year from being exceptionally good to worst) Frequent fights, & those too serious ones. It looked like the relationship won't survive for even a year. But somehow the decision was stalled & don't know how but the situation actually started to improve. Let me make an honest confession to you, i turned into a selfish partner in this relationship. With the way i love you & the intent to do anything for you, i started expecting the same from you. I always wanted to make you realise that i'm not getting the feeling of being loved, and that i love you more. I don't know who was wrong that time but what i now know is that my thinking was not justified. May be you don't need the realization, may be i do. After all, it was not selfless love anymore from my side. I've committed many a mistakes in this relationship & hurt you many times. I really really wish to make up for that. So tonight, i just want to make you a promise that i'll try to be the best one for you. "Mai tumhari khushi k liye kuch bhi karunga" :) After all, seeing you happy will make feel good too, & more so when i'll be the reason for that.
I just want to love you now. Nothing else. Thank you for making me feel one of the most wonderful of feelings that can be experienced :)
Yours...

Letter #7

Dearest...
While talking to you today suddenly this fact dawned upon me that this long distance relationship is a serious challenge to us, not just for the present but for the future that we want for us. During this time will we be so much involved in our lives that we won't have time for each other? Will we have time in the present to even contact each other regularly?
I really hope that neither of us ever feels compliant to talk to the other & rather it be the feelings pouring out that would make us want to talk to the other.
I don't ever want you gone away from me. I don't ever want to loose you. I'll always love you.
Yours...

Letter #6

Dearest...
I took my first break from letters yesterday.
Infact yesterday was a so so day.
I was disappointed to read your last letter. But i was really happy to see that both of us were trying to work the situation out. And since today morning too it has been all good. Hopefully we can continue like this. Can't we? :)
Your call dates are nearing. I hope you preparing well for them. Best of luck!
That's all for this time.
I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #5

Dearest...
It seems today that i've learnt an important lesson. You know it's more of a kind of refreshment now because there have been many times that such a situation has compounded upon me. I'm trying to adjust to the new ways of this relationship. I know you must have understood to what i'm referring. There's no hiding from the fact that i've always tried to give the best to you & you've done the same for me. So, just another step from my side this time :) Hopefully i can bring you happiness with this.
About other things, life's just moving at it's own monotonous pace. I'll be leaving my home soon, for the first time to be alone all by myself. So, we just started the preparation today by beginning with making a list of items to take with me. Everything else in the day went fine. You, by mistake, happened to talk to my mother today. A nice accident.
That's all for today. Take care of yourself.
I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #4

Dearest...
Nothing is feeling good lately. I really really want you to talk to me. I know you'll understand.
I got to know that you've got calls from all the institutes that you desired. Congratulations dear! You deserved it. And i'm very sure that you'll get through each. You love to have options in life(as you had told me during the vacations of '09) & i believe you'll have many to choose the best for you.
Best of luck deary.
I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #3

Dearest...
Days have somehow been getting worse now. We're not having our regular chats or phone calls now. At times i had been busy with the shifting stuff & now it's likewise with you.
I really wish that this time gets over as soon as possible. I don't want our long distance relationship to forever continue like this.
& you know, even the day today ended with a kind of disturbed situation in the family. I wanted to talk to you for some time tonight. But alas! It wasn't meant to be tonight. And i'm not annoyed with you because of this.
I hope you are taking good care of yourself. & if not, please do it for me.
I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #2

Dearest...
Tonight i go off to sleep not feeling sleepy at all. It's been that kind of a day when i haven't had any message from you. My eyes have constantly been gazing at the mobile screen all day today & as soon as it lights up, so do i with the hope of having received your message. I understand that you've been busy with your continuous exams and also aunty must have always been around you & hence you are not able to message me, but it's just that i miss you a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot!
Today when you told me that you were at govind dev ji's temple i really wished if i could just come there because i always wanted to go there once with you before i left but time never allowed. I hope you enjoyed your last couple days in Jaipur with aunty.
Happy journey deary. I love you.
Goodbye for now.
Yours...

Letter #1

Dearest...

It has been 4 days now since i left. I have been busy all these days with traveling, shifting, and unpacking stuff, but have always reserved time for you during the day. I've been calling you at least once these days. And as for you, it is the happiest & most relaxing moment of my day too. I really do miss you. Honestly speaking, till the morning i was with you i just didn't realize that i won't seeing you for a long time now. But when you were gone out of sight, i looked back just to see if you would be there & to my dismay, there was no one there. And the realization soon followed. I'm missing you a lot here. I wish there was some way to just see you smiling once & hold your hands.

& see the irony, I've been free the whole day today & from now on you'll not be available. Sometimes it just happens to be like this. Things don't go as well as we want them to be. But there's always hope! Never had we thought that our goodbye would be so special, had we? :) So, even if "Life just seems like a dark tunnel with a lamp burning at its end", there's always hope. Hope to rise up to the challenges, hope to succeed in our mission, hope to shine, & most importantly, hope to see you again soon! I love you.

Goodbye for now.

Yours...